Inherently Acquired

Attachment theory.  The deep relationships and connections between humans that supposedly originate from our childhood bonds with our parents.  Everyone in the psychological world has heard of it, and many many people outside of that world are familiar with it – or have at least heard of it as well.  Here is a chart to summarize attachment styles, parenting styles, and the resulting characteristics of the now adult’s attachment style:

attachment

In general, I have always considered myself securely attached; however, I have recently been wondering how much of our adult attachments affect and influence our current attachment styles.  Without delving into my personal history too much, I will tell you that my first long-term relationship gashed my heartsoul, and that my second and third relationships only aggravated this wound.  My most recent relationship was marked by fear, silence, insecurity, and longing.   ” Secure in general” was history, and I found myself falling into the categories of avoidant and ambivalent.  However, I reflect on these experiences in retrospect.  The older we get, the more aware we become – of ourselves and of our surrounding world.  So I wonder:  Was I actually secure, and later molded by the bonds of my adulthood?  Or, was I unconsciously always avoidant and ambivalent?  How much do our childhood attachments reflect the relationship choices we make as adults?  How much do our relationships as young adults and adults further shape our attachment style?

I would like to end this post on a positive note and say no matter our attachment style, I believe it is in each individuals power to work towards the attachment we desire.  As the social creatures that humans are, we have an innate need for warmth, love, and belonging (check out this study here if you want some proof!) and I am on a self-proclaimed journey to fulfull this need!   I know this journey will be arduous, and it will require mindfulness, courage, and compassion but damnit, I am committed to it!  Join me.

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2 thoughts on “Inherently Acquired

  1. Haha being a majoring in psychology in my undergraduate years, and taking up my masters degree in special education, and being a person who is interested in the personality of people and how we interact with each each other, I have to say that in my opinion, these classifications and types are just guides. It is very difficult, next to impossible, to group or classify ourselves to a type. For some people, reading these kinds of material is even dangerous. There are people, probably a lot, who when they read such classification, would consciously or unconsciously “force” themselves to a group. This phenomenon even has a specific jargon. One good example is a horoscope. When people read their horoscope, they consciously or unconsciously think about points in their lives that agree with the said horoscope. Fortune tellers have used this phenomenon ever since.

    That i wanted to point out is that we are the masters of our lives. We can be a good partner if we want to. We can have a good relationship if we want to. We only have to do the right steps and not be a problematic lover (the word problematic is used to substitute the word “fuckingdumbass” haha). Forcing ourselves to people, wanting something that we ourselves don’t give, and focusing on non-essential things like sweet nothings and thinking of them as a show of good character are just some of the “errors” when that we make when we were in love or in a relationship.

    I’m sorry for the long comment. I tend to comment this long because i want to share my thoughts. Maybe i’ll make a post about this idea in the future. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

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